Expecting a teenager (Part II)

All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator in all I have not seen.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I want to wash my hands of it.

The what-if’s and worries reel and whirl in my head and settle in my stomach and I think I just don’t want to do this. The unknowns, the fears, the possibilities and probable failures wrestle me till I’m weary and worn out.  Oh, how I want more faith! How I want to be like David, who trusted God with everything, even his very life!

“The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” (1 Sam. 17:37)

If faith is “trust in things unseen,” then can’t what we have seen certainly increase our faith? David had seen God defeat the lion and the bear, and so he trusted him to defeat his enemy. But we have to force ourselves to remember what God has done, because we “have spiritual Alzheimer’s, always forgetting.”(Voskamp)

I think, instead, that I’m more like Hagar in the desert, who although she had seen God face-to-face, had accepted his promise and named him “the God who sees me”—still forgot. Years later, when she thirsted in the desert, she forgot the God who saw her, and she wept for her fate.

But God did not forget her. And he will not forget me.

I can say with certainty that God will not be mocked, and when he calls us to obedience, he will deliver. Just like with David—he will win the battle.

So I force myself to remember. When I want to run, I force myself to remember. When I want to give up, I force myself to remember. When things do not make sense, I force myself to remember. For the God who sees me is the God who “chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise…what is weak in the world to shame the strong…what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.”

He sees me. He sees you. And he knows how the story ends. Remember…

We’re Expecting!…..a Teenager

So here’s the story.
Ever since Hubby and I were dating, we’ve talked about adopting “someday.” But when we had our first child, the thought got pushed into the background, replaced by the constant onslaught of diapers, sippy cups, and sleepless nights.

Last year, however, Hubby came to me and quietly asked, “What do you think about adopting…now?” My response was of course humble and gentle. “WHAT?” I snapped, “Are you crazy? Two little kids is enough right now. Why would you even ask me that?” But in spite of my response, what God laid on his heart was not to be denied, so he began praying (unbeknownst to me) that if this was truly what we were called to do, God would change my heart and align it with his.

Then last September, out of nowhere, I had this recurring, nagging thought that I needed to at least look into adopting. So I talked with friends who’d done it, researched online until my eyes burned…and prayed. After a few weeks I went to Hubby and said, “Uh, so…what do you think about adopting a teenager?”
With tear-strained voice he replied, “Funny–I’d been praying you would ask me that.”

We love teenagers. We enjoy spending time with them, we cherish their stage of life, the questions, the conversations, even the heartache of poor decisions made and regrets formed. And when we visited various websites and saw the great need for adopting older children through the foster care system, our hearts broke. Who will guide these kids as they begin making the tough decisions of adulthood? Who will fight alongside them as they face the challenges of growing up? And once they graduate high school, where will they return “home” for holidays? When they have kids of their own, who will they call “Grandma and Grandpa?”

We’ve done hours and hours of training and reading and talking and praying. We know there will be challenges. We are aware of the risks. And yet, we cannot deny God’s moving in our hearts and his calling on our lives. Will you pray with us as we enter this new stage of life? As the young Samuel said, “It is the Lord. Let him do what seems good to him.” (1 Sam. 3:18)

What do you fear?

Please forgive me for not posting in….oh, SO long. I’ve been writing for my friend’s (amazing!) site, www.allthingsformom.com, so I’ve been slacking off here.

But I wanted to share something I’ve been challenged with recently: the fear of the Lord.

How many times have you seen a child hit their parent? Or perhaps you’ve witnessed a child speak in a demeaning or disrespectful tone to another adult? Or maybe you’ve looked on as a teen blatantly disregarded the rules so he could be in the in-crowd? Where is the fear of consequence!? Where is the fear of their parents!?

Where is the fear of the Lord?

What is the “fear of the Lord”? It’s talked about all over Scripture, especially in the book of Proverbs. We are told that the “Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Prov. 1:7), that “the fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom” (Prov. 15:33), and even that a woman who “fears the Lord is to be praised” (Prov. 31:30)

Whenever I think of the fear of the Lord, I’m immediately reminded of C.S. Lewis’ series, The Chronicles of Narnia, where the Lord is symbolically paralleled with the mighty lion-ruler, Aslan. When asked if Aslan is safe, one of the Narnian creatures replies, “Safe? Course he isn’t safe! But he’s good.”

We’ve talk to Rae about how God is the strongest, most powerful being in the whole universe and that he can do anything he wants. She’s asked, after reflecting on this, “Can he kill me?” To which we honestly reply “Yes, he can.” She–WE–should fear him in this sense of being “afraid.” God is not to be mocked. He is holy–perfect, unique, and set apart. We should not casually speak His name nor talk about Him flippantly. We must fear Him–fear His wrath, His perfection, His jealousy. We must fear Him because He is God.

But this fear also brings comfort. When Rae is scared at night, who else should we call on but the Lord to protect her? If He is mighty and powerful, then He is certainly able to save her from the monster hiding behind her curtain! If we truly fear Him, then we can also trust Him. If we know His character–His righteousness and justice–then we fear Him because of this, but we trust Him for the same reason.

So often we are ruled by fear of other things. Fear of Man takes priority over fear of the Lord. We fear what Man will think or what Man will say or what Man will do. This should not be! When my child disobeys me in a store–in front of thirty people–my thoughts should not reflect worries about what others are thinking about me or my child! No! My thoughts should instead revolve around my fear of the Lord and the desire to teach my child to fear Him as well! If I worry and obsess about what Man thinks, my child will come to see that I am a fool and a hypocrite. Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”

Or sometimes we fear circumstances. And as a result, instead of obeying and doing what we know God has asked us to do, we list excuse after excuse to try to alter His will! Instead of trusting, we worry. Instead of faith, we fret. Instead of being open to radical callings, we resist with barriers and boxes that keep us familiar and safe.

OH, that I would FEAR the LORD! That by fearing Him, I would trust Him more and glorify Him…and teach my children to do the same! That by fearing Him alone, I would gain the wisdom promised in Proverbs, and be able to teach this to my children.

“The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied” (Prov. 19:23)

Tribute to the Cockroach

Oh dear, disgusting Cockroach,
you have changed my life.
Simply because I found you,
unwelcome and unmoving,
floating in the morning glimmer of my dog’s water bowl.
Now, every time I enter my kitchen
I expect to see your cousins and kin
scattering at the sudden burst of light.
I am forever changed.
Places I once thought “clean enough”
are now scrubbed with a fury.
Crumbs will never linger on my floor again,
dirty dishes will never wait until the morning.
Because of you, disgusting Cockroach,
my life, once lived in blissful security,
is now lived in apprehension of…

You.

Oh the Bins!

Right now my husband is in the basement building shelves to hold what can definitely be called “our plethora of bins”.  Does anyone else feel like they are overwhelmed with bins?  Bins to hold baby clothes, bins to hold maternity clothes, bins to hold college books, Christmas decor, and candles.   We have blue bins, gray bins, transparent pink bins.  Bins of all shapes and sizes as far as the eye can see!!!

Now, although I’m very glad that he has embarked upon this task with such gusto (perhaps now I will be more inclined to enter the dungeon and won’t procrastinate the laundry as often), I do feel a little overwhelmed at the amount of stuff we’ve accumulated in less than 10 years.   Now, I realize that most of this stuff can be attributed to being “thrify”–for example, I’m not going to throw out Rae’s clothes when Ally could certainly use them–but I find myself wondering “What did people do before the age of THE BINS?!”

I suppose they used boxes.  But I can’t imagine how well something made of paper would hold up in a damp basement.  And I hate the smell of moth balls, which are inevitable if clothes are being stored in cardboard.  So I am thankful for BINS.  And I’m thankful for the stuff inside the bins, for the the room to store the bins, and for a husband who’s almost as OCD as I am and cares enough to at least try to “make the bins look pretty.”